It’s been a while. I wish I could say that my absence from the EJ world was intentional. I did actually take a planned sabbatical from the Plop! blog, but not so with EyeJunkie. Unfortunately. It was entirely accidental. Or sidestepping. Or maybe even robbery.
Rather than a more noble intentional break for deeper focus and refinement, I’m sad to say that the source of my posting fast falls more along the lines of relinquishment. It’s true. It’s a result of my own lack of attention, my own pushing aside of something I enjoy, my own crowding out. That’s why I’m tempted to call it robbery, and I’m the primary suspect.
You see, I really enjoy writing and journalling and all the chronicling of life through words that comes with it. So, why hasn’t it been part of my days for virtually all of this summer? It would be easy (and perhaps simple) to blame it on busy-ness, work stress, or even too much authentic life. But, that’s not it. That’s not genuine. The fact is I’ve relinquished it. I’ve let other priorities supersede my own, exchanging something that matters to me for the ever urgent and perpetually earth-shattering wants of others. I’ve robbed my own time and priorities and enjoyment and paid them in service to something other than mine.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m one of those folks who happens to think putting others first is a worthy endeavor. I happen to enjoy the “urgent” calling of “Mommy” and such. The “urgent” newspaper ad or umpteenth email or 37th corner dust bunny, not so much. When I see the cost of giving up something I’ve always enjoyed, something that helps me boost control and creativity in other areas, something that makes me better at the things I’m desperate to do better, THOSE urgencies just aren’t worth it.
I’ve been learning lessons. Again. It’s up to me and no one else to order my life in a way that matches with what brings me daily fulfillment and joy. I can leave it in the hands of “urgent” needs, but I inevitably come up short on the joy end. And the daily is worth striking a hard line with joy. I don’t want to wait for joy. I’m spoiled that way. I want it now. For, a life of joy is made up of small joyous moments too fleeting to relinquish.
So, I’m writing again.
Setting the tone for MY life is my responsibility and my privilege. No one can take it from me without my permission. And today’s answer is “no.”