“I can’t wait for that to happen. It’s going to be so fun.”
Baby Girl has always been an old soul. Deeper than oceans, that one. We were sitting on the farmhouse back deck in rocking chairs eating lunch, and she was talking about picnic tables. Where we might put one in the pasture behind the house. And how we could build bunk beds in the middle bedroom. For when she and Travis and Elisha bring their children out here. “We can ‘kid-ify’ everything again like you did for us. And they’ll grow up together, all the cousins.”
“I can’t wait for that to happen. It’s going to be so fun.”
Baby Girl’s dream for the future is so clear. And filled with hope and energy and excitement. It’s a sight to see. And to hear, deep in my spirit, the faith in which that dream lives in her heart. Alive. Vibrant. Unfettered. A reminder for my own heart to embrace it again.
I woke up this morning to walk one of the pastures and look at that pond. The newest and smallest. And wonder about how long I could keep this piece of my life and land in Noxubee County. Letting my heart entertain what I thought I never would — whether I could let it go. This property. I never thought I would find myself managing it on my own. Figuring out what to do and when. How to care for it. I never let myself think about whether or not I could.
I’ve been grappling with a lot of nevers these days. I never thought life would unfold as it has. I never thought about loss and the deep work needed to move on from it. I never thought I would come this far. Never thought I could give them what they needed on my own. Bring them to these teenage years and baby adulthood as the brilliant, caring and resilient souls they are. With God’s grace. And His overwhelming and lavish and never-ending mercy.
I always hoped with what was left in my ever-spinning brain that He would bring us here, but like Thomas, I’m not sure I truly believed with my whole heart. I never thought. Until I’ve seen it. In all our imperfect natures and mis-shapen hearts. We are here. In an ok place. A joyful place. A peaceful place. A good place.
“I can’t wait for that to happen.”
Baby Girl in her precious way reminded me. We’ve seen God be strong. We’ve seen Him bless and protect and provide and act. And heal. In all my doubting and wandering and wondering, I’ve touched the scars.
Today, this place is ours. The land. It’s special. It shapes us. It tends to sort through the struggles and bring clarity. It knits us together with our history. Our loves. Our losses. Ourselves. And as long as God’s grace and mercy allow me to, I will keep it.
Hello & welcome! I’m Haley Montgomery, and I’m the designer and owner of 
