I’ve been thinking lately about the things in our lives that help us create family, the experiences and qualities of “home” that knit us together and create the safe place we need to become confident in our best selves. After my husband, Mike, died, we were all engulfed in this wave of sorrow and change and uncertainty, and for my children, a sea of confusion and lack of understanding – an ill-defined sense of loss and insecurity. It was all very natural, and in many ways still an ongoing process at various stages of resolution, even six years later. But, during those early days of grief, I felt so strongly that I needed to focus on making sure our home was a place of security and honesty, where all feelings were welcome and peace would reign. Home-keeping. A tall order in a very chaotic and confusing time of adjustment.
During that time, I tried really hard to shore up our family routines and traditions, so we would all re-establish those “normal” and important parts of family life. One of the most important routines was (and is) bedtime. As most parents can attest, those bedtime hours are so precious. For some reason, the closing of the day – especially busy days – often bring out the tenderness of our hearts. With my little ones, it’s been the time when their hearts are most vulnerable, closest to the surface, when all those percolating thoughts of childhood and growing come out. We’ve had very precious conversations during bedtime – some of our earliest talks about faith, love, family, hurts, and more. In our process of grief, those have been the times when hard questions finally break the surface, and we’re able to begin making sense of them. Or at least become more comfortable with not knowing the answers.
When my children were born, we started right away creating the tradition of bedtime prayers as part of that precious end of the day routine, reading together and praying for each of them. As the children shared countless daily experiences and boo-boos inflicted, we would pray short and easy prayers, taking our cares before a loving Father. As they grew, sometimes the kids would take up the praying themselves as I listened in, closing out the day with their own “good night prayers.” Of course, as our story has unfolded, many of the experiences and hurts became much more weighty, more difficult to understand. And, still, we’ve tried to pray through them, taking life’s hard things back to that same loving Father. Trusting His hand to help us find sweet dreams, peaceful spirits, and joyful hearts. In those difficult times of adjustments, as I tried to focus on creating that secure home I mentioned, somehow our bedtime prayers reverted back to just me praying for them. Listening to their hearts, and letting them hear me bring their thoughts and concerns again before God. Precious times.
It’s odd how traditions go. The children are getting older, and its tempting to think some of the routines are silly. Or best reserved for young kids. It’s definitely easy for those routines to get pushed out by the busyness of homework and extra activities, especially on days when juggling the commitments of a whole family pushes our bedtime later than it needs to be. It’s easy to say, “we’ll just skip that tonight.” I mean, it happens, right?
Back to bedtimes. The very first chapter in Faithful Families included a few ideas for bedtime routines. I read it and starting realizing that our own routine of bedtime prayers was getting frayed. I had actually begun to think that because I had 12-year-old at the time, I didn’t need to incorporate those prayers any more. “He’s outgrown them,” I thought. Like we can every really outgrow the need for prayer. At the time, our whole family was struggling with how we all grow – everyone getting older, needs changing, interests changing. More changing. Which may be the hardest hurdle of all. Faithful Families talked about the idea of prayers as blessings at bedtime, and how there were no children too young to understand a simple blessing. In one of those kick yourself kind of moments, I realized there were no children too old to understand a blessing. We never outgrow the need to be blessed. In fact, it’s the first step in knowing how to bless others.
I decided in that moment that even pre-teens would have good night prayers in our home. That night I talked to my oldest a little about it. I told him I had realized that I’d stopped praying for him before bed, and that I’d like to start it again even though he was getting older. It’s funny how intuitive children can be, because he was wondering why I wasn’t doing that, and it led us to a conversation about him not really wanting to grow up too much. Somehow, in that little act of the good night prayer, he was able to realize that growing up did not mean growing away or letting go of home and family. Precious moments.
This last year, I’ve continued to pray each night for each of my little ones. Even the new teenager. And, they remind me and ask for a prayer if I somehow overlook it. My hope is that as long as they live with me, no matter how grown-up and independent they become, the end of our days will always end with a blessing… Give us sweet dreams, peaceful spirits, and joyful hearts.
Amen.
Hello & welcome! I’m Haley Montgomery, and I’m the designer and owner of 
