10:03pm

For those of you who may not be privy to the secret inner world of WordPress Dude, the EyeJunkie posts don’t always come hot off the keyboard just as the thoughts spring from my brain. No, sometimes I actually schedule them ahead. [shock!] Sometimes I let them sit in my digital diary for weeks or months, adding a sentence or two here and there until they’ve adequately germinated. Sometimes they sit in the draft queue for a while waiting on me to hit the “publish” button. Sometimes they hang out in my hand-written title brainstorm list for an inordinate amount of time while I make room on the priority list. Sometimes WordPress Dude’s auto save function presses happily on while I scoot over to dictionary.com to find out the correct spelling of a word or while I answer one of the 4yo, 3yo or 1yo questions that come my way. If I’m really honest, sometimes when I say “last night” it was actually a few nights ago, or maybe a few months ago. Life’s just like that. Although the blogging medium is usually a little more transparent than some, WordPress Dude still offers a modicum of subterfuge tactics. It’s kind of like learning that President Obama wasn’t really the one writing all those tweets. Just as obvious, only with a MUCH smaller audience. For the three of my kind readers to whom it wasn’t obvious, I can only say… Pay no attention to the gal behind the curtain.

I think I may have taken this intro a little further than necessary.

10:16pm

I say all that to say this… This post is coming off the keyboard in real time. It’s a little odd even for me, but I needed a little self-intervention. You see, I’ve been struggling all day with coming up with some idea (any idea) for what to write about giving thanks. The fact is, I’m just about “give out,” as they say in my best Southern. It’s been a frustrating week so far with few thanksgiving fuzzies. I feel like I’m giving out in so many areas–being a wife, a mother, a cook, a home-keeper, a “creative”, a designer, a blogger, a social media strategist, a writer–and there’s not enough coming back in at the moment. Likely, I’ve stretched my creativity too thin, which happens periodically, but the bottom line is that thanksgiving is not really part of the equation right now.

I’ve been frustrated. I’ve been irritated. I’ve been tired. I’ve been a complainer and even a whiner. I’ve been ripe for ranting about something, anything. [Aside: I fed the rant habit with a little ditty I’ll post tomorrow] I had to ask Little Drummer Boy’s forgiveness today. I had to try two gas pumps before the credit card machine would work. While staring aimlessly ahead as I pumped away $35, I read “container” as “cantankerous” on the petroleum warnings. Enough said.

10:26pm

So, I’m going uncensored this evening in an attempt to sharply correct my attitude. And to add a shot of reality into this 12 Days of Thanksgiving thing. I just don’t feel like being grateful. I can’t find my gratitude inspiration. It’s Day 4. What can I glean about giving thanks from this predicament.

Here’s something that’s as good as any… Thanksgiving is my choice. There I said it. If thanksgiving is my choice, then being a whiner is my choice too. Ouch. It’s a painful reality. It’s not that I don’t have something to be thankful for or that there is nothing in my life to inspire my gratitude. The problem is that I’m choosing to focus my attention in the wrong direction. It’s my choice.

So, here goes. With you as my witness, I’m turning the corner, turning the page, whatever. It’s time to rethink my choice. I’m going to spend the next 15 minutes writing things I’m thankful for. And, I don’t mean a list of stuff I like. I mean things that have added blessing and value to my life just in the last few days. Ready, go.

10:35pm

Old friends that have unintentionally encouraged me to get real — A work acquaintance who responded to a request I thought was overlooked in such an incredibly generous, humble and transparent way — The ability to write what I think and feel in this amazing forum and have other people actually read it — The sweet voice of Bug as he sings his lullaby with me, and keeping my voice as soft as humanly possible so I could hear — Obys takeout on a busy day — Having the opportunity to speak for Dux D’Lux in online media, a great and challenging responsibility — A job that has continued to challenge me for 15 years, where I’ve continued to learn and grow creatively — Our first really crisp day — A glowing orange cable-knit v-neck sweater for $14.99 (I’m a girl, and it’s basic, folks) — The internet, what unprecedented access to ideas and opinions from everywhere all at once — The screaming from my hallway and realizing it’s the glee of truck races and giggles rather than arguments — A few days of full-time work for Quiver and the hope that it will continue — Baby Girl has not been pulling on her ear in the last few days and early evening naps have made her a happy camper — The artistic vision of Walter Anderson — Relatively smooth mornings and safe travel as I’ve handled getting all three gifts dressed and to preschool by myself this week — The anticipation of getting to have lunch with Little Drummer Boy on Friday — The fact that my gifts love going to their school — The act of forgiveness, giving and receiving it — Rat poison to stop that incessant scratching during these first cold days (sorry, had to go there because it’s distracting me) — The joy that comes from learning from others — The opportunity to give grace where it’s due and where it isn’t —

10:50pm

Ok. The choice is a no-brainer.

On this, the 3rd day of my 12 Days of Thanksgiving adventure, I give you the Tuesday Zoosday Twelve–hot off the presses from a great family weekend. We took our gang to the Memphis Zoo this weekend to celebrate Bug’s 3rd birthday. It’s amazing how time just extends itself when you’re out of your normal routine and environment. As we drove to fetch take-out on Sunday night after we arrived home, Quiver and I both commented that it seemed like we were away so much longer than just one night. We left on Saturday morning and came back home on Sunday evening, but it felt like much more. The whole extended family went–a gift for all on Bug’s birthday from G-Mo and Paw-T. It was a wonderful family time of getting out of our element and into a new perspective. It was much-needed fun with no distractions diluting the time with our precious gifts. Twelve weekend blessings confirmed by buzz around the Montgomery house since Sunday:

1. Great weather.
2. Little Drummer Boy had a TV in his bedroom. (read hotel room)
3. We found the panda bear before closing.
4. Thomas the Train books were a huge it.
5. Animal toys don’t have to have sounds, lights or batteries to be fun.
6. Giraffes like ukelele music.
7. Mommy has a pretty good sense of direction.
8. The best Memphis BBQ advice from locals.
9. Bug can still stop traffic with his trademark squeal.
10. It’s pretty fun for two preschool boys to sleep in the same bed.
11. One Daddy can actually push two strollers at once.
12. IHOP rocks.

I’m so thankful for the joy of new experiences–for myself and for my little ones. I’m thankful for the gift of celebration that can be enjoyed at any time and in any place. I’m thankful for my parents, who value those things enough to give them to us. And, for instilling in me the quest for that consciousness yesterday’s quote so aptly described. When it comes to the end of the day, Thanksgiving is much better lived than spoken. And try as I might with 300 words or so, I can’t seem to embody the spirit of all the eye-opening hope and wonder that a thankful heart enjoys any better than the evidences from last night’s Thanksgiving Tree additions you see up there:

I got to see giraffes. I got to see lions and tigers.

And, I got to watch.

“We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures.”
~ Thornton Wilder

Here’s to seeking consciousness this Thanksgiving and thus finding myself awake and really alive!

“O come. Let us sing for joy to the Lord. Let us shout joyfully to the rock of our salvation. Let us come before His presence with thanksgiving. Let us shout joyfully to Him with psalms.” (psalm 95:1-2)

A year ago I began my first 12 Days of Thanksgiving quest with this same verse–with the phrase “come before His presence with thanksgiving.” In looking back at the writings from that time, I saw a consistent thread through the posts. It was a thread seeking to assuage doubt and fear in troubled times, to embrace trust in God anew and more fully. And, the gateway I found to do that was thanksgiving. This year, as I’m beginning the same 12-day adventure, I looked more closely at the entire verse and found an echo of where my heart has been of late. It’s funny how that works.

While the last year’s reading of this verse found a connection between trust and thanksgiving, I’m wondering if 2009 will show a thread of connection between joy and thanksgiving. This past year has been one of many changes for our family, and I’ve noticed a greater emphasis in my inner workings on life beyond just living. It’s possible to survive a life of just existing, of just getting by, of floating through experiences from one crisis mode to the next. But, survival isn’t really the same as living. As I’ve been seeking to pay closer attention and to make conscious choices about how my time, energy and love are spent, I’ve realized that one of the greatest blessings our Creator has giving his children is the opportunity to live a life of joy. Throughout the Bible, we are reminded that God is not a half-way being. His work doesn’t center on just enough. His love and grace and blessings are lavished, not simply doled out on an as-needed basis. Yes, they usually seem to come just when we need them, but I’ve found they are rarely limited to just squeaking by.

I don’t know where these next 12 Days will take me, and I don’t want to presuppose. But, when I read the verses above, I can’t help but see a thread of joy, the fibers of which are thanksgiving. From the looks of things, it seems that thanksgiving offers (once again) a passageway for all kinds of singing and shouting as we follow it into the presence of Providence and behold the depth of who He is. Joy.

I begin this year’s 12 Days of Thanksgiving with another prayer, similar to where I’ve started before. It seems like a good place:

1. I repent of a complaining and murmuring spirit, and ask God’s forgiveness for taking His character and blessings for granted.

2. I ask God to open my eyes to His goodness that is evident in my life, His faithfulness, His love and mercy.

3. I choose to thank Him for what He shows me. I thank Him for His works. I thank Him for His character.

4. I ask that this Thanksgiving season be one of experiencing the life of greater joy His word describes as I give credit where credit is due. Let me shout joyfully this season.

SONG:
Close your eyes in the dark of this night
midst the rustling of angel flight,
under the stars I have set to illumine
Your first fleeting moments of being human.
Rest in the arms that You have created,
though divine thoughts for now are faded,
stilled by the moment of redemption begun,
covered with the swaddling of flesh and bone.

Sleep, my Beloved, in silent, trusting peace
knowing not the things yet to be.
But, somewhere in your soul, in deep infant thought,
may You embrace the plan in love I have wrought.

Hush now, my Son, the lips that one day
will teach my people and proclaim the Way.
Dry the tears that soon will flow free
for a generation with eyes that can’t see.
Still, dear One, the hands that years hence
will heal the blind, and lepers cleanse.
Rest, precious Child, the feet that will grow
to walk a hill, salvation to bestow.

Sleep, my Child, and let Your thoughts deepen,
for the dreams You are dreaming are memories of heaven –
Visions of glory, of light, of truth.
Time will reawaken the diety in You.