Category: beautiful ordinary

Well, we finished up the Thanksgiving holidays. Little Drummer Boy’s Fall break at school was the catalyst for some time away from home. A change of scenery is usually good for a change of perspective, too. Plus, the fresh air and clear skies of the family farmland doesn’t hurt either. I’m always amazed at how much clearer things sound when you’re surrounded by pasture and how much crisper the light is when there isn’t the competition of street lights.

Thanksgiving and my 12 days of posting was a worthwhile experience. As it always is. Looking back through some of the posts, I can easily see how valuable it is to focus my attention on blessings — to consciously look for and recognize the elements of life that bring me joy. Recognizing that joy helps me focus my attention. Through the last 12 days I’ve realized once again how important it is to take responsibility for defining my own life of joy and bringing that life into clearer focus by setting my own priorities.

I have one life. I have to make that real. In fact, I’m the only one who can make it real. And let’s face it; a life lived in pursuit of someone else’s dream is just pretending. It’s a waste.

If I am to make this one life one of meaning, it is imperative that I hear the clear ping of my own heart telling me what is important — what is required to make that life real and valuable. It is imperative that I maintain a crisp view rather than a hazy picture of what that life should be. And that takes discipline and soul-searching and some hard choices. But it’s worth it if I want to have the assurance that I spent my life living rather than waiting to live it. Hoping to live it. Thinking about living it. Imagining living it.

So, I’ve been thinking. What are the shadow areas of my life? What are the areas where I am content with the mere outlines and silhouettes of the real thing? Life goals and themes change over time. Once again, it’s time to decide. What do I want my life to be? What do I want my children to see or expect when they prepare to live their lives?

Tough questions. Ones that are not always easily answered. More challenging still, at times, are the choices required to follow through with making my answers materialize. It requires courage and resolve and a clear understanding that this life — my life — is worth it.

We can choose to exist. To simply subsist. But that isn’t enough for me. I don’t want to poorly invest the one life with which I’m blessed. So, I must define my own terms for it. And dare to reject anything that pulls me away from that true life. Anything that clouds the picture of a life lived to its fullest.

“Jack jumped over the candle stick!” Bug came home singing it a week ago. They had finished up nursery rhyme week and he could recite the poem in full laughter mode complete with a demonstration of the famous leap. There is pumpkin fever around my house! Little Drummer Boy, Bug and Baby Girl have all had a hankering for Fall fun, and I have to admit that it’s taken me by surprise. Yes, October arrives every year on the day after September 30th, but for some reason I’ve felt a step or two behind the process this year. Fall IS my favorite time of year, and I suppose I’ve spread that little joy to my children enough in the past to help them catch the autumn bug as well. That’s probably why they’ve been asking non-stop about carving pumpkins, pulling pumpkins from the attic, painting pumpkins, decorating with pumpkins, icing pumpkins, etc. Are you catching the theme?

As I’ve watched their excitement grow over the last week about silly things like pulling down the attic stairs and fetching the Halloween box. About finding the best “horse apples”, those green seed-y balls from the Bodock tree they’ve decided we need to decorate aptly. About picking out just the right pumpkins from the produce bin. About all the things we’ve planned to do and enjoy once “Fall” arrives.

Well, now it’s here.

I couldn’t help but use the word “nimble” in this month’s desktop wallpaper. It’s a different kind of “Jack” of course, but naturally, “nimble” seemed to fit. It also fits my feelings this month. It seems October has arrived with more quickness than it usually does. Where has 2011 gone? And, I have no doubt that Jack’s month will usher the rest of the year through our lives with even more agility. In the same way, I see my sweethearts all full of giggles and smiles and questions, and I can’t help but recognize how nimble the passage of their days is as well. I’m barely caught up with one stage or one skill before they’ve moved on to the next. I’ve barely wrung out one tender moment or one amazing conversation before they’re on to the next profundity. As this October begins, I find myself gripping to slow the process down, to halt the furious race toward the next accomplishment in their lives. But, try as I might to resist it, I’m certain Jack will be nimble. And quick. So, I’m determined to be utterly captured in the gaze of his fiery grin for as long as possible. Before the flicker is blown by leaping. As their feet rush on to new journeys.

Click and enjoy.

It’s been a while. I wish I could say that my absence from the EJ world was intentional. I did actually take a planned sabbatical from the Plop! blog, but not so with EyeJunkie. Unfortunately. It was entirely accidental. Or sidestepping. Or maybe even robbery.

Rather than a more noble intentional break for deeper focus and refinement, I’m sad to say that the source of my posting fast falls more along the lines of relinquishment. It’s true. It’s a result of my own lack of attention, my own pushing aside of something I enjoy, my own crowding out. That’s why I’m tempted to call it robbery, and I’m the primary suspect.

You see, I really enjoy writing and journalling and all the chronicling of life through words that comes with it. So, why hasn’t it been part of my days for virtually all of this summer? It would be easy (and perhaps simple) to blame it on busy-ness, work stress, or even too much authentic life. But, that’s not it. That’s not genuine. The fact is I’ve relinquished it. I’ve let other priorities supersede my own, exchanging something that matters to me for the ever urgent and perpetually earth-shattering wants of others. I’ve robbed my own time and priorities and enjoyment and paid them in service to something other than mine.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m one of those folks who happens to think putting others first is a worthy endeavor. I happen to enjoy the “urgent” calling of “Mommy” and such. The “urgent” newspaper ad or umpteenth email or 37th corner dust bunny, not so much. When I see the cost of giving up something I’ve always enjoyed, something that helps me boost control and creativity in other areas, something that makes me better at the things I’m desperate to do better, THOSE urgencies just aren’t worth it.

I’ve been learning lessons. Again. It’s up to me and no one else to order my life in a way that matches with what brings me daily fulfillment and joy. I can leave it in the hands of “urgent” needs, but I inevitably come up short on the joy end. And the daily is worth striking a hard line with joy. I don’t want to wait for joy. I’m spoiled that way. I want it now. For, a life of joy is made up of small joyous moments too fleeting to relinquish.

So, I’m writing again.

Setting the tone for MY life is my responsibility and my privilege. No one can take it from me without my permission. And today’s answer is “no.”