A Seeker’s Moment: 5 Lessons from Covid-19

“Every moment of one’s existence, one is growing into more or retreating into less.” ~ Norman Mailer

I’ve been thinking about growth this week, and irony. Over the last few months in our neck of the woods, we’ve seen the whole of nature shake off the dust of a dormant winter season and sprout into new growth, spring blossoms and early summer fruit. Yet, in one of life’s inevitable ironies, it seems like much of life has been at a standstill as we enter week 15 of quarantine, shelter in place and the socially distant realities of the Coronavirus pandemic. With schools closed, travel plans cancelled, favorite activities interrupted, and time with family limited, an uncertainty-fueled fatigue threatens to lull us into merely sitting. And waiting.

In truth, God’s great earth teaches that there is no real time of stagnance. No mere status quo, no simple biding of time, no true standstill. There is only growing. And dying. Even dormant days can provide rest and regeneration that contribute to the next growing season, or they degenerate into spoil and decay. As Norman Mailer wrote, “Every moment of one’s existence, one is growing into more or retreating into less.”

We all feel it. The acuteness of restriction. Of boredom. Of waiting. Some of us feel the acuteness of need as we face changes in our work and income. The ongoing impact of Covid-19 feels limiting — a forced retreat into less. Even as weeks of virus response has required us to retreat from many of our favorite things or “normal” routines, I have to admit my heart is seeking more. I’m restless, seeking to grow into more. 

This public health crisis has brought a season of disruption like no other, and that disruption can spur evaluation and creative thinking about the nature of our “new normal” — how many times have we heard that phrase in recent weeks? I can’t help but think the uncertainty of it all creates a seeker’s moment. A unique opportunity to find — to carve out — what we may not even realize we’re seeking.

Seek and you shall find. It’s a promise from scripture rooted in God’s simple desire to freely give. When our hearts are experiencing just enough of the unknown to whet our appetite for searching, we are positioned anew to more freely receive what’s always freely given. Almost like a gift to my soul, I’ve realized the limitations and changes of this pandemic have exposed false necessities, as well as affirmed deep desires. I’ve been challenged more deeply — and in daily ways — to choose the things that help my heart and my life grow into more.

How do we structure our “return to normalcy”? How do we balance what to hold and what to let go? As we reorient ourselves to the next phase of pandemic life — whatever that unknown brings — I’m asking myself… What am I seeking? With my heart newly opened to uncertainty, what will come from this seeker’s moment? 

As I’ve searched my own heart’s response to Covid-19, I discovered FIVE THINGS I’m seeking as I embrace this season of “growing into more.”

Slowness
In a culture of instant everything and our on-demand lifestyle, it’s almost sacrilege to take a moment to pause. Before responding, before speaking, before doing that next all-important thing. We schedule ourselves up to full and bulging capacity in search of… what?Slowness brings refined commitments and purpose… What is my tipping point of activity? What do I really want to do? What matters to me? Where am I most effective? With the taste of limited activities that Covid-19 has provided, my heart is craving that slowness — habits and days and lives structured with care, with intention and with grace — prioritizing who we are over what we do.

Contentment
What I have is enough. That’s the unique lesson of being sheltered at home with every trip to a business or merchant weighed against health and safety. How do we define “essential”? All the extra time and energy directed inward over the last fourteen weeks, has made me reimagine home not only as the backdrop of our lives, but the center stage. And, this shift has re-energized my desire to guard the new things we bring into our home, and to re-examine what we “need” to facilitate the joy and life happening here. It’s inspired me to go ahead and do the projects we’ve been dreaming of. To sort the clutter and be discerning about what truly brings value to this stage. In some ways I’m seeking minimalism — but not in the popular sense. I’m not averse to things. I’m a collector and a re-claimer of objects. I thrive in a healthy cacophony of visual stimulation and reminders. Treasured things bring me joy to look at, to use, and to remember people and places. But, I think I am seeking a single-mindedness when it comes to how we spend our money and how we choose the possessions we acquire. Rather than seeking the superfluous or the “extra” or the must-haves, I want to be content with what really brings us delight and wonder and yes, the ever popular joy, even if, for us, those things are a bit unconventional.

A Resilient Faith
During the last few months, I’ve heard the same phrase over and over again from very disparate spheres: Covid-19 has revealed all the cracks. In systems, in beliefs, in how we work, in our economy, in our social structure — all the cracks. Whether it’s reaching a tipping point of racial injustice, or making tough decisions about equity in our public schools, or balancing personal freedom with personal responsibility, the realities of this pandemic have brought the murky waters of so many social issues into stark and unsettling clarity. And, every one of our relationships are crying out for a faith that will willingly rise to the challenges that stark vision reveals. An untested and unanswering faith is a weak one. If our beliefs can’t serve us in troubled times, what use are they?

These times call for a resilient faith that is not afraid of the questions, the hard conversations, the challenges to comfortable or familiar ideas. A resilient faith is open handed, not threatened or weakened when others don’t share it or agree. A resilient faith doesn’t require like-minded compatriots to operate with love and power. No, a resilient faith is much bigger than that, and that’s the thread I want running through my heart and my family. 

The Peaceful Mundane
We’ve had our share of moments over the last few months lamenting what we cannot do — time with friends, visits with our family, stops at so many favorite places, and even a cross-country road trip we’ve now moved to next summer. And, yes, we’re disappointed. But, this season at home has also reminded me how important the ordinary really is. The mundane isn’t always exciting — the laundry, the clearing of the table, the Wednesday night dinner, the bedtime routine — not really fodder for the ever-hashtagged fear of missing out. But, when the unknown whirrs around us, time devoted to keeping is time well-spent. It helps us peacefully set the stage for deciding and choosing and growing and living. This keeping elevates the common into meaningful experiences that help us bring order to what may seem like chaos in our circumstances. Tending the ordinary stems dissatisfaction and offers our souls a tangible signal that all is well. Tending to the mundane — those ordinary chores and habits and daily or weekly necessities — brings a peace to our surroundings and a comfort level that nurtures our hearts and our relationships.

A Tender Heart
One of the pitfalls of Covid-19’s more isolated living is a tendency for greater focus on ourselves. With so much polarizing media around us, we’re exposed to ever more divisive narratives, and often a more insular view of issues and people. We can overlook the necessity of community, and find ourselves steeped in self-interest. When our ability for face-to-face conversations is limited and our interactions are increasingly shaped by social media’s algorithm, it’s easy to distance ourselves from the truth of others — for our hearts to overlook and harden toward experiences that differ from our own. As the fears and turmoil of pandemic and injustice seep more and more into our awareness, I’m seeking out ways to keep my heart tender and inoculated against indifference. I want to nurture the ability to be moved by others — by the people, relationships and stores around us. That nurturing requires opening ourselves up to those stories. and giving them space to breathe and take on life in our own hearts.

As I identify practical ways these five things can help me filter through all that’s vying for our hearts, our spaces, and our schedules, it’s a tall order, I know. But, I’m oddly excited to see what this unique time ahead will bring to our lives. You know, seasons of uncertainty like what we’re experiencing now, can bring a gift of freedom. They are ripe with unexpected time and space to think, create, evaluate, rearrange, and retool. To try new things. It’s a good time for seekers. Whether we’re searching for something new or simply something more solid, I’ve been reminded through Covid-19 that finding is there for the taking. Go ahead! What are you seeking?