Sometimes I Wake

Sometimes I wake in the middle of the night. Very often, actually. For a few minutes or longer. Old habits and tendencies from being the only adult in my house. Restlessness and thinking. I sometimes listen to music or watch videos or reels. Sometimes I write my thoughts to get them out of my head – like tonight. Occasionally I even work, to check the thing off that is troubling me. Often times I pray. Out loud in a whisper so the words are more solid – not just a thought. The prayers that we only pray at night. When the tender places in our hearts are revealed. The memories. The worries. The words spoken over us. And to us. The fears. The questions. The plans. Even the joys. Sometimes. It is not as often the joys that keep us up at night.

Tonight I ask the whys, The what next. The how do I fit everything in. The where are you. The what are we doing. The which one. The staying. The leaving. The coming. The going. The how. The when. The are you here?

And I saw something in a reel. “Just keep looking for Jesus.”

Just keep looking for Jesus. And I remember. Words hidden in my heart. Pushed down and distracted and often forgotten, still unearthed in the tender moments. “For I am gentle and humble in heart. And you will find rest for your souls.” Just keep looking for Jesus.

Wherever He is. Whatever I see Him doing. The things only He can do. In and through human hearts. Where hope resides and patience. Wisdom. Where honesty and kindness coexist. Where there is faithfulness. An act of peace. Bridges built. Wherever there is redemption. Forgiveness. Long-suffering. Where there is newness. Light that baffles darkness. And joy. Wherever there is love. Just keep looking for Jesus.

In the places I can see Him inhabit. Go there. And stay. Where I can hear Him speak. Listen. And trust. Where I can watch Him at work. Witness. And know. Just keep looking for Jesus.

Just keep looking for Jesus.