Author: haley montgomery

August 24, 2008 mother's heart

tiny messages . Mommy’s Lap

My little Drummer Boy did not get a nap today.  It was day 7 in one of those weeks.  There has been a lot of excitement around our house.  Last Monday I went for my weekly doctor visit to check on Miss Baby M, and he decided it would be time to induce us at 38 weeks.  That means that when I go to the doctor tomorrow, we’ll find out what day THIS week our baby “seester” will make her arrival.

We’ve been scrambling around, getting all manner of pink baby items, and putting the semi-finishing touches on the nursery.  Mommy’s been working from home instead of going to the office, and getting more uncomfortable by the minute.  Daddy’s been taking over a few more parts of the daily routine than he had already taken over.  Little Drummer Boy and Baby Squiqqle Man have been slam dancing between spontaneous tears, random throwing of toys, mini tantrums and the sweetest blown kisses, slobbered kisses and hugs they’ve been holding in their pockets all day you’ve ever seen.  We know that confusion and insecurity are running rampant.  We know that even though Little Drummer Boy has an amazing vocabulary for which we can take no credit and Squiggle Man knows way more words than we give him credit for, they can rarely articulate what is really going on inside.  We’ve been watching, asking questions, guessing, soul-searching, and giving it a try for quite a few months now–go back to watching and repeat ad infinitum.  Change is hard, no matter how many years you have under your belt.

My Little Drummer Boy has had an extra dose of change lately.  Two weeks ago, he moved up to a new preschool class–new teachers, new schedules, still not wanting to put his tee tee in the potty, but everybody talking about it.  One week ago, he started his first “extra-curricular” activity–an AWANA “Cubbies” club where he’s meeting new friends, more new teachers, and learning Bible verses (doing a great job, I might add!)  Plus, he actually knows what it means to anticipate being a new big brother.  He’s already done it once.

So, he didn’t get a nap today.  That means he was practically falling asleep at dinner, and I was putting him in bed early.  We read our books, found our blanket and puppy, turned on the music and listened to Mommy sing.  I thought he would fall asleep while I rubbed his back, but then it began:

Drummer: “Mommy…”

Me: “Mmmm Hmmm?”

Drummer: “I want to sit in your lap.”

Ok, I’m paying attention now.  Requesting to sit in my lap is uncommon these days now that he’s such a BIG 3-year-old– usually reserved for “bo bo” comfort or coersion (read bribery) from Mommy.  I knew this did not bode well for a speedy bedtime, but it was a treat I couldn’t pass up.

He climbed over in my lap, which Miss Baby M has shrunk considerably at this point.  Aside from some of my mandatory hugs, he didn’t cuddle or put his head on my shoulder.  He was content just to sit.  Then, he looked at me and smiled–a couple of times.

Me: “Why are you smiling?”

Drummer: “I’m happy.”

Me: “Why are you happy?”

Drummer: “I’m happy for you, Mommy.”

Me: “Why are you happy for me?”

Drummer: “I’m sitting in your lap.”

It was a crystal clear moment.  I saw deep into his heart, and was dumbfounded by how little it took to get there.  I knew he meant he was happy ABOUT being in my lap.  It was instantaneous security, peace, clarification, and love for him.  I told him how proud I was of him, how thankful we were on the day he was born, what a good big brother he was, and how much bigger Mommy’s lap would be in just a few more days.  And, just as quickly, the moment was gone. My Little Drummer Boy “wasn’t tired” anymore, and we would live to convince him otherwise in another hour or so.

“Teach us to number our days, that we may present to Thee a heart of wisdom.” (psalm 90:12)

Yes, it was a crystal clear moment.  One that underscored a realization that there is no better barometer of wise priorities than to center ourselves in this moment in this place to do what counts most–even if it’s just postponing bedtime for a little laptime.  Although, my Little Drummer Boy misused his preposition, I was actually happy FOR me.  It was instantaneous peace, clarification and love.  I saw deep into my own heart, and was dumbfounded again by the recognition that the best of my whole world can be found in the space of just a few rooms.

The tiny messages God continues to include with our gifts — 2 little boys and the anticipation of 1 little girl, each with open eyes, open ears, open hearts, and much to teach. “Behold children are a gift of the Lord…” (psalm 127:1)

August 17, 2008 on faith

Thinking About Thanksgiving

My children have a collection of Peanuts movies that sometimes rotate to the top of their favorite requests–requests that send us flying through the calendar celebrating various holidays at crazy times.  Last week we were celebrating Thanksgiving with repeated viewings of “A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving” and “The Mayflower Voyages.”  I like Peanuts.  Mr. Schulz was not above using the words “God” or “blockhead” in a children’s program when appropriate.  I like that.

“A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving” is the story of how Peppermint Patty invites herself and several friends over to Charlie Brown’s house for Thanksgiving dinner.  It’s a celebration of how fast Snoopy can make buttered toast, how “wishy-washy” Charlie Brown can be and how bulldozer-like Peppermint Patty can be.  In the immortal words of our wishy-washy friend in the striped shirt, “You can’t explain anything to Peppermint Patty because you never get to say anything.”  

In the end, Marcie reminds us that, “thanksgiving is more than eating… we should just be thankful for being together.  I think that’s what they mean by thanksgiving, Charlie Brown.”  How true.  

In looking back through some of my past journals, reviewing signposts on my inner journey that may have been forgotten, I’ve been reminded that a thankful attitude is one way to right our view of others and usher in intimacy–with one another and with God.  When difficult times, discouragement or my own wrong attitudes take a toll on my closeness with God, thanksgiving becomes the key to being together again.

“Enter His gates with thanksgiving, and His courts with praise.  Give thanks to Him; bless His name.  For the Lord is good; His lovingkindness is everlasting, and His faithfulness to all generations.” (psalm 100:4-5)

Thanksgiving helps us to enter God’s presence.  It is the gateway that leads to His courts.  It is the starting point in setting our attitude and vision of God straight when it may have gotten off track.  When we approach God with thanksgiving, we acknowledge Who is responsible for our blessings, our salvation, our life.  Thanking God for the things He has done for us and for Who He is to us silences a complaining and questioning spirit.  It makes communion with Him possible.

Thanksgiving helps to dispel doubts about God that may have crept in because it focuses our attention on how His true character has been manifested in our lives in tangible ways.  In recognizing His true character, we are able to enter His courts with praise.  By developing a heart of gratitude toward God, we give Him credit for His goodness in our lives.  If I choose to thank God, I choose to recognize His faithfulness.  I can see that He proves His own character by his goodness, lovingkindness and faithfulness in my life.

Thanksgiving opens the gate to praise, which leads me to the place where God resides.  Complaints are forsaken.  Doubts are put to rest.  Closeness is restored.  And, it’s not even November.

July 17, 2008 on faith

God, Now

“I can’t wait until Bug can use his words.”

“I can’t wait until Drummer Boy learns to use the big potty.”

“I can’t wait until the business starts to be more consistent.”

“I can’t wait to see Baby Girl M on the outside.”

“I can’t wait until this summer heat is gone.”

Sometimes I spend so much time looking forward to a time when things will be different that I miss the daily joy and blessing of now.  We swore we wouldn’t do that with our children–getting caught up in anticipation of the next stage.  And, usually that’s the easy one.  Even in trying moments, we are still able to say “not yet!”  We are anxious to see the boys’ next steps, but not too quickly.  We can see the joy in soaking up all the current stage has to offer in sweet moments, cute sayings, wide-eyed grins and the fact that they still want to give us hugs and kisses.

It’s the other life situations that get us.  Those grown-up struggles with work, money, relationships–life–are the ones about which we can so easily say “there’s nothing to gain here.” We get tired and frustrated.  We want to move on.  We can’t envision joy, happiness or blessing in the given circumstances.  It’s like we’re in perpetual intermission, waiting for the next act to begin.

I’m reminded of a simple prayer my mother has often prayed:  “Lord, help me to learn quickly.”

It carries with it the basic understanding that there is a purpose in every situation.  There is something valuable to learn that can move us further along to a place of joy.  When the circumstances are tough, when they are hard to endure, all we can do is learn quickly.  Glean what God has for us so that He can move us forward.  Finding the purpose means finding the blessing.  Now.

“I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.  Wait for the Lord, be strong and let your heart take courage. Yes, wait for the Lord.” (psalm 27:13-14)

God is good now.  His promises aren’t confined to streets of gold.  I can experience His abundance, His eternal joy and peace here on earth today–in my real life, regardless of the circumstances.  I CAN “see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.”  It is available immediately.

If I spend my days on earth waiting to be happy, and I measure that happiness by the people, jobs and things in my life, then I will live in perpetual disappointment.  If I can learn to see the goodness of the Lord where I am living now (rather than where I might be), then I will fall on my knees in gratitude for what He has given me.  I can learn to be content and accept the wisdom He has for me in THIS moment.  I will not spend my energy complaining or hoping for a better day.  I will not be so presumptuous as to discount the gifts of the Lord because they are not what I had in mind.  I can trust Him to fulfill my desires, and flourish within His blessings.

For the wonder of each our
of the day and of the night
hill and vale and tree and flow’r,
sun and moon, and stars of light:
Christ our God,
to Thee we raise
this our hymn
of grateful praise.

For the joy of human love,
brother, sister, parent, child,
friends on earth, and friends above,
for all gentle thoughts and mild:
Christ our God,
to Thee we raise
this our hymn
of grateful praise.

“For the Beauty of the Earth”
by Folliot Pierpont

July 9, 2008 mother's heart

tiny messages . Lessons in Recklessness

I was sitting on the floor of the living room–not necessarily an easy task at the moment with a 7-months pregnant belly out to there–and 18 months of pure squiggle (a squeal-fueled giggle) energy were coming at me full steam.

Running at maximum toddler capacity, my little guy flung himself into my arms with a resounding super squeal.  I gave him a little squeeze, a big “I love you,” and a few cheek nibbles as the various oversized wooden screws in his hands made contact with eyeglasses, ears, nose, etc.  Then, it was full steam back to the wall at the other side of the room to start again.

We repeated the process more times than I can count, with my little guy alternating between Mommy and a left detour to give Daddy a turn.

Full steam.  Turbo drive.  Volume 10.
That’s how my little 18-month-old gift does everything.  He’s on a personal mission to prove that no matter what you do, you can have more fun and be more successful at it if you are also squiggling at the top of your lungs!

Despite the household craziness his approach sometimes creates, I often find myself just soaking it up.  He’s reckless, giving himself completely over to whatever he’s feeling at the moment–whether it’s the trying times of hurt feelings, frustration that a toy won’t work right and disappointment at hearing “no” or the joyful times of shouting newly-learned words, a full speed, fully squiggled chase with brother and the ever-popular hug episodes described above.  There’s no doubt that whatever it is, he’s completely abandoned himself to it.

It want to cultivate that caliber of freedom, to act without hesitation when I feel strongly about something.  Or, to elevate the mundane to that level of love, joy and excitement.  I can imagine it most powerfully chrystalized in that moment of an 18-month-old flinging himself into Mommy’s arms.  No reservations.  No holding back.  No fear.  Just pure joy and pure love.

It reminds me of another love:
“In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our sin, according to the riches of His grace which He lavished on us.” (Ephesians 1:7-8)

Can I be the one to fling myself without fear into the Father’s arms and bathe in His lavish love and grace?

Can I open up my arms and receive the one in need, ready to give His lavish love and grace in human form?

I hope so.

The tiny messages God continues to include with our gifts — 2 little boys and the anticipation of 1 little girl, each with open eyes, open ears, open hearts, and much to teach. “Behold children are a gift of the Lord…” (psalm 127:1)

July 2, 2008 mother's heart

tiny messages . Yes I Am

“Yes, I am.”

It was a statement that brought a cackle from both my husband and me at the dinner table.  In the course of conversation, our 3-year-old had done something that prompted me to say, “You are SO smart.”  Then, in agreement… “Yes, I am.”

Of course, anything that produces a laugh from Mommy and Daddy must be repeated.  So, a moment later I got the request, “Say I’m so smart again.”  With my cheerful compliance came another “Yes, I am,” this time accompanied by much giggling from everyone.

One thing I’ve learned about 3-year-old speech is that it matches up very closely with the heart.  Three-year-olds haven’t yet learned to choose their words carefully, to monitor their phrases to fit the circumstance, to “spin” their opinion based on the situation, or to distance the spoken word from their true thoughts and feelings.  When I listen to my 3-year-old, I know that I’m getting exactly what he’s thinking, what is most important to him at a given moment.

I’ve also learned that whatever I say in my 3-year-old’s hearing — just in the course of conversation or in specific attempts to teach him — will probably eventually come right back at me.  And, in true 3-year-old fashion, I know that I’m getting back an honest picture of how he’s interpreted my words.

That’s why I enjoyed hearing the “yes, I am” — twice.  There was no overblown pride with the statement, no bravado.  It came out as just a statement of fact.  It told me that he believed he was smart.  And, it reminded me just how important kind and positive praise can be for my children, how powerful it can be in giving confidence and setting right the assumptions they learn about themselves.

He had been told he was smart, and he believed it.
A precious understanding for a 3-year-old heart.

“Like apples of gold in settings of silver is a word spoken in right circumstances.” (proverbs 25:11)

Our world sometimes offers an overwhelmingly out-of-balance negative message — one that strips and diminishes.  Even in our home, it is so easy for praise to be out-weighed by the speech of stress, worry, exhaustion, busy-ness, annoyance, or correction.

“Yes, I am.”
A powerful reminder that it costs me nothing to say it more.

You are smart.
You are precious.
You are sweet.
You are strong.
You can jump high.
You can run fast.
You are growing.
You are kind.
You can share.
You did a good job.
I’m glad I have you.
I love you.

The tiny messages God continues to include with our gifts — 2 little boys and the anticipation of 1 little girl, each with open eyes, open ears, open hearts, and much to teach. “Behold children are a gift of the Lord…” (psalm 127:1)